Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
