I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
