I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
