too bad you live with your parents still
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
