I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
