hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
