I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
