He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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