The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
