I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
