Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
