Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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