finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
