the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
