Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
