Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
