When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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