I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
