Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
