i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
