small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sext me about skeletons
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
