Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
