Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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