He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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