he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was like his penis was on wheels.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
