Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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