I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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