physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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