Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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