Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
