she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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