Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
