Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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