So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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