Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
