I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
