i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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