he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
