Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
