Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.