How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.