And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..