I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight