They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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