trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
