Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
