I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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