hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
