Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
