He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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