i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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