I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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