I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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