masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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