I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
