My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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