I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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