You work out of a Hotel?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
