You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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