did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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