I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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