I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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