Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
