bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
