My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think your dad took our porno
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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