Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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