im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
