I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
