It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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