just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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